Friday, October 16, 2009

In Response to: Love Yourself Enough

A guest blog from Mike, son of MysticWynd:

To all who follow this blog, I am that baby that she was 3 months pregnant with at the time of her marriage. I am now 30, married with a kid of my own and one on the way.

Times were definitely tough during my parents' marriage and there is no doubt that my mother went through a lot of tough times while trying to raise me along with my brother and sister. A lot of the fighting and arguing was very apparent to the three of us, I'm sure however most was hidden.

We as children had to deal with the affair and some violence, although there was very little violence in front of us, at least not physical, but there was plenty of verbal, both ways. It really was a situation where two people just did not work together.
Like all kids I was sad to see my parents go their separate ways. I was 19 or so at the time however, so I knew it was the right thing.

All in all, my mother and to a lesser extent my father went through a lot of trouble and issues over the course of their marriage. The effects of the arguing, mistrust and lack of family values will stay with the 5 of us our entire lives.

It is an injustice however to take a bad situation and not look at the positive effects it had. As kids we heard it all and saw it all. I always say that my parents taught me everything not to do in a relationship. I look back on my childhood and think about how I felt and do my best not to put my child, soon to be children, in that situation. My wife and I have a very good team oriented marriage. We encourage each other while pointing out ways each other can improve in thoughtful and helpful ways.

My mom and dad have both moved on since their divorce to remarry. From what I can tell, they are both happy now and stronger as people. My dad has given every indication that he has learned from a lot of the mistakes he made in his first marriage. While I am no longer with him every day, the indications he has given me is that he treats his current wife with more respect than he gave my mother. My mother is a much stronger woman now. The years of frustration and roadblocks have given her a lot of life experience to draw upon. That experience in my opinion helps her to ensure that she will enjoy the rest of her life on her terms.

The future does look very bright for all of us as there are now 5 1/2 grand kids and two sets of grandparents that are showing what good relationships are about. The grandkids now have grandparents that can focus positive attention on them without the baggage that comes with a rocky marriage.

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mysticwynd said...

Thank you for sharing your viewpoints, Mike... love ya... Mom

To everyone else - I have to add that I share my son's view that some great things came out of my first marriage - beside my three great kids. I also learned what I didn't want in any future relationships, and what I needed to change in myself... and yes, life is much brighter now - all the way around!

Annette said...

Thank you Mike for sharing your perspective. I can't imagine how awful it must have been for all of you. I admire your focus on the positive and desire to give your children a happier life than you had. God bless all of you!

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