Being Me

I've been ruminating about a recently found new favorite quote that I'd like to share with you ...

Be yourself. 

Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, 

shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.

~ John Jakes

Struggling a bit lately with the whole idea of being "true to myself", and trying to figure whether I'm doing things because they're a good fit for me or because they work for others, I realized that I've become a bit of a stranger to myself.  

In my younger years, the driving force in my live was a connection that I felt with the more spiritual (which I learned later was not to be mistaken for religious), transcendental side of myself.  I was one of those people who felt a sense of awe in the simple things in life that many people simply don't notice, and that others take for granted... a sunrise over the mountains, the innocence of a newborn baby, the delicious genuine joy in a child's laughter, the wonder at the size of the universe as I looked up at a night sky full of twinkling stars. I felt I was, in the words of Max Ehrmann, author of the Desiderata, "a child of the universe".

"The Healer" Goddess Inspired Reiki Attuned Print
by PrimalPainter

Life was about feeling, experiencing, and learning - and sharing it if I was fortunate enough to know a like minded person who could understand. Sometimes that part was hard, because I am one of those people who is very sensitive to the energies of others, sometimes being even more aware of them than the person themselves. Ultimately, it left me with a lot of things I wanted to share, but very few people to share them with...and over the years, I dealt with that by keeping to myself or by trying to "fit in" to everyone else's way of thinking of what I should be.

This year, I've gone through a lot of soul searching - examining, re-experiencing, and coming to terms with my past with the help of a wonderful psychologist - and I've come to acknowledge that I've let too many things get in the way of letting myself just be me.  There were painful questions and secrets that I've finally learned the truth about, bringing a significant, if not entirely complete, sense of closure to issues that I never felt strong enough or worthy enough to tackle. I also realized that I wanted to rediscover the "old" me... the sensitive, spiritual, inquisitive "me" who doesn't have to hide behind the many masks I've worn to protect myself from others. 

The journey back to being that woman will be an interesting one...I've flirted with her a lot along the years, but now I'll be embracing her essence completely. I'm sure there will be a lot of missteps and mistakes along the way, and I know there will be many people who will think me foolish at many times.  I also know it will be worth it.

I wanted to let you know, since you'll be seeing a bit of a paradigm shift in the way I write, the things I share, the places I bring you to along the way.  I hope to find many new friends, and grow closer to the few friends I've made through this blog and on Etsy over the past few years.  

I've always loved words and the thoughts that others share - especially since they can so easily put into words the ideas that I struggle to get across.  So, I'd like to end this post by sharing something written by Virginia Satir, a renowned American educator and psychologist - it says what I feel much better than I ever could!

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”

If this is your first visit here, I hope you'll take some time to get to know me and that you enjoy the things I share with you here. If you've been here before, I hope you'll keep coming back.  I hope to make it an enjoyable experience!

Blessings,

PS... a special thank you to Laurie of Primal Painter for never ceasing to inspire my spirit whenever I visit her shop!