Friday, October 30, 2009

Where Creepy Things Lurk...

It's late on a Friday night, the night before Halloween in fact. After spending the week out of town at a gem show, you're home all alone. Having taken on the earlier task of ordering takeout for dinner, your hubby is out playing cards with the guys, kids are at friends' houses spending the night planning their Halloween revelry. With the house all to yourself, you're watching your favorite classic creature feature movie on TV, your cat curled up next to you, the dog sleeping in the corner. Just a nice peaceful evening to relax with no one and nothing to bother you. notice that the wind is picking up outside...must be that storm that the weatherman had mentioned in his can hear a tree branch rustling against the window pane. Just then a crash of lightning sounds... the rumble so close that it makes the house shake and sends the pets into a tizzy. The rain begins to fall and as you get up to close the window that you had left open to get some fresh air, a chilly breeze rushes in as lightning lights up the sky and the ozone in the air makes the hair at the nape of your neck stand on end and goosebumps rise. The accompanying thunder hits almost immediately, rumbling hard enough to cause the plates in the sink to rattle... the lights flicker momentarily and suddenly you hear a crash in the kitchen.

Turning to the sound, you walk toward the kitchen, flipping the light switch on to see where the sound came look around, but you can't see anything that would account for the noise. As you remind yourself that you're a grown woman and that silly storm and monster movie are just making your imagination work overtime, you realize that what you need is a refreshing glass of chilled apple cider. Grabbing a glass from the cabinet, you reach for the refrigerator door, and you open it, flooding the room with its light and OH MY GOD, what is that STENCH?????

After turning away to take a deep breath, you return to the gaping hole that is your open refrigerator... you can almost see the evil smelling vapors rising like spirits of the dead body that you're certain is stashed away in there. Then you realize that you hadn't cleaned out this crucible of terror before you left on business... and the children (including the adult male) have allowed it to become a mad scientist's laboratory. The milk has soured, there is moldy bread lying exposed in an open bag, and something that once resembled the tasty casserole you had made the week before is tucked in a corner, its clear rubbermaid coffin bloated with unspeakable horror. Summoning up all of your courage, you realize you've fallen victim to the Haunted Refrigerator.

Covering your nose with a towel, you venture into unknown territory, tossing wilted spinach and shrivelled grapes into the garbage, grabbing the containers with the now unrecognizable leftovers and emptying them down the garbage disposal... almost hearing the tiny voices of the molds and germs as you lead them to their deaths in the murky depths of your local sewer system. At last, you are finished. The trash has been removed to the outside of the house where it will be safe, although you did lose two containers to the devastation. Your refrigerator is no longer a demonic enclosure, its hobgoblins banished, its interior purified and exorcised with your handy sponge and baking soda. Disheveled, but with your sanity still intact, you have survived.

Hey, it's happened to the best of us. You have to leave town unexpectedly or you get sick or something else keeps you from the pleasures of cleaning out your refrigerator. Eventually you have to tho... and unless someone you live with is a scientist performing experiments, the mold and other creatures harbored there are really a nuisance (although I've run across things in refrigerators that I swear are not of this world). If you're smart, you'll laugh at the fact that you've probably just found a cure for half of the world's illnesses and just get on with the cleaning! Today, I thought I would take a humorous tour of some of the funnier items that I've found on Etsy (that may bear a resemblance to some of the things you've found in your refrigerator!). I love the ingenuity and humor of my fellow Etsians - I hope you'll appreciate it as well!

First up is this adorable Moldy Bread Necklace from beatblack . You know you'll make people laugh with this one and what a perfect gift for your favorite lab worker or biology teacher!

Unless you live under a rock, you've probably heard some of the press around super germs - those bacteria that are resistant to antibiotics and are posing some real problems for the medical community. Well, now you can own your own Super Germ Plush from frecklesunleashed. What a great way to teach your kids or remind yourself about proper hygiene and health care!

Let's not forget how wonderful those office refrigerators can be! Between dealing with the food thiefs and the forgetful people who leave tuna salad sandwiches in bags until the bags start to disintegrate, office refrigerators are the bane of many an office workers' (and janitors') existence. You may be able to warn off others with these great BIOHAZARD LUNCH Lunch Bags by sammo - or at least get the hint across!

I hope everyone has a safe and healthy Haunted Refrigerator Night - as for me, I think I have some wilted bok choy I need to pitch, so I'd better get to it! Have a great Friday!


KeriAnne said...

Hilarious! But, oh, so true!

Beat Black said...

hehehehe, i really enjoyed reading this post. I do this to myself often. I don't know how many times I've opened the fridge to a nice surprise...

Thanks so much for adding my moldy guy to the mix :D

Howling Caterpillars said...

How true!!!
I've eaten some of those science experiments...

MagdaleneJewels said...

Loved reading your article. I was not expecting the HAUNTED REFRIG - something we have all experienced.
My kids and I had gone away for a few days, coming home as we stepped off the elevator it smelt like someone died on our floor. The smell got worse when I opened our door. Somehow the frig turned off while we were away and everything spoiled and defrosted, the juices from the rotting meat were spilling down the kitchen floor. So I truly understand the plight of the HAUNTED FRIG!

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